is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You dont lie about slip and slides
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
