had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
