You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
