hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
