I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
