distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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