All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
