Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So many bounce houses so little time
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
