Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
