if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
