Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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