i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
