I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
