I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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