I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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