pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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