May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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