I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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