that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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