You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
