why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
