she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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