I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
