I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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