I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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