Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
