She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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