we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
