i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
