I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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