Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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