Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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