My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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