Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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