He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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