Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
