Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
