haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
