Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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