he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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