Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
