It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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