It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
