You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
