Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
