I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
