I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
