I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize