It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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