Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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