I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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