I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
