I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
