I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
