It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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