I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
