Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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