So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
