when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
As shirtless as possible
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
