Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
