Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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