watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
