Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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