If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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