Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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